“How was beer kept cold in the old west?”
“Well howdy there, partner” said Clay, the owner of the Rusty Spur Saloon. “Howdy” said Jane, the local bad girl of the town. Jane was an ordinary at the saloon, and damn near no one ever tries to mess with her. One day, another cowboy so to speak walks in, a real buff type, leather from head to toe. “Is this the Rusty Spur” said the mysterious man, with a voice as deep as a well full of water. “Yes sir, it is indeed” said Clay. “Well then why don’t you poor me one of them lagers”, uttered the man. “Why don’t you try one more time, a little friendlier how ‘bout it.” mentioned Clay. “Or, you could get me what I asked” said the man. As he said that, he reached for his back pocket and pulled out his revolver. Jane saw what was going on, and reached for hers at the same time. The man quickly drew, realizing that she was a woman. “Much respect for that bravery, lil missy.” “All in day's work” said Jane. “Let me get a sip of that there jack, yeah?” Jane handed him the drink, and as soon as he took a sip, he spat it out instantly. “What is this?!” said the man. “That’s Jack, mister.” exclaimed Jane. “Why is it warm?” said the man. “Why wouldn’t it be” said Jane. The man had realized that he actually travelled back in time into the old west before there were fridges and freezers.
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“Hey waffles, where's the farm again?” said Betty Sue. “How could you miss it Betty, its the only red thing for 1,000 miles!” exclaimed Waffles. Waffles and Betty Sue are both cows from Idaho, living their finest lives. Everyday, Waffles and Betty Sue roam about the pasture, enjoying nature's finest conveniences. One day, Waffles was enjoying his stroll down the pasture, when he suddenly got whisked away by an unknown force. Waffles moo’d for his life, but no one could hear him. To his surprise, Waffles’ father, Eggy, was the one that grabbed him. He had been looking for Waffles for months, and had finally found him. “Son! I have been looking for you!” said Eggy. “Dad! There you are!” said Waffles. “How do we get back home?” asked Eggy. “I have been trying for months.” “Just look for the red barn, silly!” said Waffles. “Wow, I would of never guessed!” said Eggy. “You can finally meet my new best friend Betty Sue!” said Waffles. “If I don’t meet her, i'm gonna have a cow!” said Eggy, sarcastically. “That's a load of bull!” laughed Waffles.
The End “Time for ye to walk the plank!” said the captain, preparing the prisoners for their infeasible death. The prisoners were disdain with the remarks of the captain, afraid of what lies ahead. Their utter disinclination made them wish they had acted with prudence before committing their crimes. Meanwhile, while the prisoners were saying their last goodbyes, the crew was having a meeting. ¨Why is it that we force these prisoners have to walk thy plank?¨ asked the 2nd mate. ¨Well, I´ve never really thought of that¨ said the captain. The captain thought long and hard about this question. He begun to think why pirates do this, and have done this for so long. He supposed that it was the humiliation factor that played a huge roll. A whole crew of people laughing and yelling at you as you walk off the edge of the boat. It also seems more scary, given that you have to walk yourself off the ship, usually with someone following behind you with a sword. As the captain thought long and hard about this, he realized that the rest of the crew already threw the prisoners off the ship. ¨Hey, why didn't you have them walk the plank!? Why did you just throw them off?¨ yelled the captain. ¨Because you just told us to captain!¨ said the second mate. ¨When did I say that?¨ said the captain. The captain then realized he was thinking out loud the whole time.
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AuthorDylan Lewis Archives
November 2018
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